Jeff Foxworthy got a lot of laughs from “You might be a Redneck.” As a pastor, I came up with my own “You might be…” Here is, “You might be a church committee.” You can decide if it’s funny… or tragic…
You Might Be a Church Committee
If you died, and at the gates of paradise were given the chance to enter heaven or go to a group and talk about heaven and you would choose the group to talk about heaven instead of entering in, you might be a church committee.
If the question, “What does this group do?” stumps every member of your group, you might be a church committee.
If “That’s not how we’ve done it?” is your primary response to trying something new, you might be a church committee.
If, “Well the group down the road has a ukulele band,” is a reason to hire a group of four stringers, you might be a church committee.
If 20% of the people do 80% of the work, you might be a church committee.
If you think that getting people to come is serving, you might be a church committee.
If you think sitting on something is serving, you might be a church committee. Sounds like this, “We need another member to sit on Buildings and Grounds.”
If the biggest vision you have for the kingdom of God is a balanced budget, you might be a church committee.
If seeking to avoid objections with no tangible objectives is your goal, you might be a church committee.
If you feel responsible for people’s emotions thinking that someone being upset is the end of existence as you know it, you might be a church committee.
If you believe the key to success is having a decision everyone can agree and that all problems will be solved with a unanimous vote including things as big as climate change, as broad as human sexuality, as ongoing as the problems in the Middle East, and as simple as a clogged drain in the church kitchen, you might be a church committee.
If you changed the Great Commission of Christ from, “Go into all the world and make disciples,” to “Let’s sing ‘Kum Ba Yah’ so people will come,” you might be a church committee.
If you have a mission committee without a real mission for your congregation, you might be a church committee.
If the members of your group age but never mature or even grow up, or if your members become older without becoming wiser, you might be a church committee.
If your group wants to do the same things it’s always done hoping for different results thinking, ‘If we just try harder, it will be different,” you might be a church committee.
If your efforts lean toward subtle mind control asking, “How do we get people to (do what we want or think they ought to),” you might be a church committee.
If your mission decisions begin with a survey asking people, “How do you feel about homelessness,” or believe issues like homeless are more a problem to the community than the person who is homeless, you might be a church committee.
If you think that your likes and God’s likes are identical, you might be a church committee. Sounds like this, “I didn’t like that sermon,” assuming that if you din’t like it that God didn’t like it either. Applies to draperies as well.
If you don’t do for the least of these because you don’t know that it’s Jesus that is homeless, lost, hungry, or in prison, you might be a church committee.
If you seek for the Creator of the Universe to be the God of your dreams instead of being the people of God’s dreams, you might be a church committee.
If you objectify people into something you own or want to own, you might be a church committee. Sounds like this, “We’d hate to lose some of our members.” “We need more members.”
If people are your goal instead of your reason for existence, you might be a church committee. Sounds like, “We need children if we are going to exist…” instead of wondering why children are fine without you.
If you ask God for a drink of water, and God gives you a banquet, and then you respond, “But I asked for water,” you might be a church committee.
If you think you can go somewhere without changing your location, you might be a church committee. Sounds like this, “We left that denomination for another one…” when you didn’t move at all. This includes taking an ideological shift to the left or right without moving from your seat or pew.
If you think that the reason your group isn’t popular is because of marketing or branding, you might be a church committee.
If you think the followers of Christ are supposed to be popular when he promised, “If the crowd will crucify me, then they’ll crucify those follow me…”, you might be a church committee.
If you shout, “Hosanna,” when a new leader comes to town, and “Crucify him!” or “Crucify her!” before they leave, you might be a church committee.
If you believe faith saves you from dying when it didn’t save Jesus, you might be a church committee.
If you want someone to save your organization in the name of Jesus when Jesus didn’t save anything he wrote, his family, his followers, his religious tradition, or himself, you might be a church committee.
If your group exists to try and keep the institution from dying instead of finding Easter resurrection and life after death at least one day a week, you might be a church committee.
If you think your group, nation, party, or even yourself is God’s favorite of all time, you might be a church committee.
If, unlike the widow in the Temple who believed God could use her two pennies, you curse the pennies children put in the offering plate, you might be a church committee.
If you finish this phrase, “the almighty…” and say, “God,” when you mean, “dollar,” you might be a church committee.
If you think charity is giving away instead of being all in, you might be a church committee. (If you are unaware of the difference, charity is money you give away while mission is what you live for and will even die for.)
If you can say the word, denomination without seeing the irony that the same word used for a dollar bill is how you describe your church association, you might be a church committee.
If you see no irony in the words “In God we trust,” being on a dollar bill, you might be a church committee.
If all your churches goals are dependent on making budget instead of the miraculous work of God, you might be a church committee.
If you believe the work that you do is boring but that God sees your efforts as essential for all creation, you might be a church committee.
If you got confused and think God needs you instead of seeing how much you need God, you might be a church committee.
If you think play is what children do and that your business is always serious business, you might be a church committee. (Even the orchestra plays, church members just pay and pay and…)
If your folks leave their service exhausted instead of energized, used up instead of lifted up, committed to a mental institution instead of the kingdom of God, you might be a church committee.
If you hate endings and you want things to last forever or at least your meetings seem to, you might be a church committee.
If you try and save your minutes but have few real moments, you are definitely a church committee.
